I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
just finished watching a very interesting movie online - Primal Fear. a rather old film... have wanted to watch it something ago but could not reali find it. starred by richard gere and norton edwards. about DID - dissociative identity disorder and criminal law. anyway, it has a very interesting twist at the end of the story.
one thought that came to me as i was watching. so is he consider guilty or not guilty?
i used to think that a person with MPD or DID shld not be guilty cos he wasnt aware of wat he is doing and he cldnt control it when the other alter took over the body. but that today, i sort of have another thought... cos an alter usually is created when a person wants to escape or could not take it in the situation they are in. so, a normal person will just take it and forget about or at least tries to forget about it.. cos they r able to bear with the situation.
and so issit fair when a person with MPD/DID do something really bad, like murder, using their alter and is not consider their fault? i sort of like thought.. is like a normal person who actuali asked someone else to do the job for them. u see... it is still them though they r just the mastermind...
well, im not sure if anybody understand wat i was saying above... seemed like my analysis and comments are all in a mess... anyway, i guess thats left for debate..ha!
after much obstacles and discouragements frm my fellow concerned brethrens about my pursuing of the unpopular academic (to them), i have decided to defer my studies to the mid-yr intake... i think...
1. so that i can continue to pray and think thru it once more. 2. to appease those who really dun think is a good idea. haha 3. to show them this decision is reali not a whim of fancy. 4. i think is good for my company too... cos we have a few major mtgs this year till april. thus enuf time to look another person to replace me and also handle those big projects.
honestly, when i felt that God gave me the go ahead to do it, i was surprised cos i've nv expected. i was glad and with joy. but the next thought came to me 'skali this is a sacrifice isaac situation'. God gave it to me and then want me to give up. will i?' and i said to God, "pls dun do this to me!" anyway.. with much knowing fact that my leaders wun be v supportive of this decision i made, i decide i still have to let them noe. after all, they r my leaders. leaders may not be always right but one thing i noe and seemed to have lost is that God looks at my attitude.
Leaders may not be right, but they have to be respected and obeyed with a heart of submission. of cos, i grew to not just blindly obey which i think thats not wisdom and certainly foolish but to ask for an explanation. sure.. sometimes the explanantions do not seemed satisfactory too. but ya, is the heart lah...
this thing has taken up too much of my energy and strength. thru out this period of praying, asking for advices and gotten much discouragement showed me something about myself. i was angry. sometimes even angry with God. and i thought to myself: if i can get angry with God over this, mayb i shldnt take this up after all. cos is psychology more impt than pleasing God? who am i to get angry and upset with Him? anyway, the problem is really not Him.
something went missing after the 2 years of wilderness. i seen God's grace, God's mercy but yet it really caused me to be more sceptical with man as well.
anyway, taking more time to think thru, pray thru about taking this up, to me, i think is a good idea.
Hopedeferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. Provb 13:12
since writing the entry yesterday, i cant help it but wanting to whine about it... about my situation... about so many ppl stopping me. could it be God who is doing all the divine intervention that is speaking to me so loudly ' DONT DO IT?" or could it be obstacles God has deliberately placed in between so that i will not give up? well, i guess this can only be answered if i know the will of the Lord. cos if it is His will for me to do it, it will be the latter, if not, the former...
honestly speaking, even if i not going to do it, i wldnt want to stay in the place where i am wkg now. ask me why? various reasons.. some inconvenient to say... but my boss will not want to c me go. thats her answer to me. i understand.. at the perspective of an employer.
thoughts of wanting to study or not ran and rang thru my mind last nite as i lay my head to sleep. half asleep and sleeping consciously... i duno wat. just a bad nite. i remembered as i spoke to the Lord about it. i have no way to hear cos voice of ambition is perhaps louder most of the time, and i have to admit that there is nothing in the bible that could back me up in my reading of psychology. the only thing i can have is a real conviction from the Lord.
and i will follow.
I will stand my watch And set myself on the rampart, And watch to see what He will say to me, And what I will answer when I am corrected. Then the LORD answered me and said:
“ Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. "
sighz... been getting rather bad responses from my leaders about my pursuing psychology as a career... they kept thinking that it was impulse that i wanted to take it.. but in actual fact it has been a desire for many years.. i only avoided it cos it was deemed as bad by them. it wasnt a conviction to me personally. however, i have alredi anticipated their disapproval before i asked them.
today, it was another round of chat that again discouragement of taking it. i reali dun c it as a duly wrong lei... anyway, if im wrong, the worst can happened is i have to take a U-turn again.. at least i dun live in regrets rite? and if i took it and reali i dun like, i wun c it as a regret but something i have gained and learned in life.. just like my business degree... no regrets.. im happy i learned things from it...