I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
i hv now switched to using mozilla firefox. so, i realised wats wrong with my layout. and i do realised how small my font is. i will try to change the layout when i can. this is not my topic btw.
after looking around and some thinking, i realsed the best way is still to stick to God's way. ha. seemed that my life with God is improving, i felt that His way is made clearer to me as well. as we stick near to God, He will make our choices clear. ydae, i straightened down my thoughts. i will stick to wat i have and felt wta He has given me: business. though i have interest in counseling, i guess that is not wat im called to. but instead, i can use it as a skill. these skills are useful in any situations. of coz, i thought i would like to further study abt it if i reali enjoy it, but i may not do it as a full-time job, mayb voluntary, or when chances come for me to use them. for the time-being, i will just stick to my business degree and wait to c wat the Almighty has in store for me. thats so easy. much easier than i thought! amazing! :)
that puts a smile on my face to noe that with Him around, i will not be going whr i shldnt go, and not afraid that i will not be doing His will. coz He is always leading, and He is always in control! i can say is burden relieved. and concetrate on wat im suppose to concentrate. though i would like to stay on with transworld, im alrite if i am to start work in someother secular places as well.
HE NOES THE BEST! ;)
p.s. btw, im not sure y my frens are so surprised that im studying and studying in sch. eh, i reali do study one, u noe? i dun only smoke thru, but i do have some substance as well! hehe..;P
You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing.
haha..journalist? hm..though is true i like ppl to noe my beliefs thru writing, i have to say my english is far from competence to say wat i wanna say. haha. 'Nuff said.
show was a success! im reali glad for that. afterall, all of the ppl have been practising and putting in their best for it. :)
" i reali have an enjoyable time.. congrats! such a successful show," one of my fren commented to me. and my reply was, " thanks! the ppl has all put in their best. even if the concert did not turn out well, i would still be proud of them!" :)
thats the truth. i would still be proud of them. :) the turn out was not bad and the concert was rather well-received. thank God for that! though there was some technical glitches here and there, overall, it was still not bad. the rehearsaks were better though i have to say. haha.
anywya, coz of this concert, i reali learned much things. publicity, sound, video, overall stage management. on that day i was walking up and down the LT and the school that i was so so tired after the whole thing. my whole head was in a blank after the performance. but strangely enuf, i thought i would feel a big stone lifted from me, but hm.. i dun reali feel anything. mayb the workaholic has taken over. haha. i hvnt thot that i am a workaholic coz im always rather boh chap on things. but i realised, when i start doing things, i wouldnt want to stop until i completed everything. mayb i was a bit task oriented afterall. heh. and i have learned to be proactive after i set up the Guitar Club. i dun used to understand wat exactly is proactive until now. i have to look ahead wat will be the problems that i might meet. and that comes with foresight and some experience of coz. i nd to troubleshoot and find solutions. solutions and answers have to come out fast.
after all these things and experiences, including my stint at transworld, i reali thot i like the creative area. i reali wonder if i have studied the wrong thing. but God makes all things well. mayb i have think too much of wat im going to do when i graduate. too many things on my head that i thought im interested in and wan to do. afterall, my options are open. maybe too open. ha. mayb i would nd the Lord to close some doors for me. oops. somehow felt something wrong with that previous sentence. i shall strike it off.
im too interested in too many things. same as my ministries. i want to do many things as well coz there are so many good things in each ministry that i cn learn from. but i nd to noe my place. the place that the Lord wants me to be in. mayb i can come out of certain ministry and concentrate on a certain one. the Lord will wan us to be excel in the things we do. ya.. till now. i will stick to wat im doing b4 venturing on. :)
"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs His step" Provb 16:9
"u have the potential, thats y i was so hard on u," he said. oh i din noe that. so is not coz he dun like me, or coz he thinks that i cant make it. but he thought that i have the potential. i never knew abt that. i was always stress around him, thinking he will criticize me again. or worse. not criticising but giving me a look that i did not do well once again. i was stressed. so with him aorund, i will most of the time feel that i cant make it, thinking, will i ever passed his stage. that decrease my confidence in addition to my nervousness.
" u have the voice and skills, i just duno wats wrong with u, and i feel that u were not hitting the mark". and according to him, is not just not hitting the mark, but thats a dip. actuali, im well aware of that. but i just duno wat i can do to get a breakthru. i recalled and i thought i knew. but when the next time comes, i corrected. but again, not much diff. so i didnt know. so wat was it? i guess i have to seek the Lord to ask. i do see myself as a worship leader when i was a much younger Christian, but this dream seemed to vanish as i grow, as i struggled in leading worship. i still led and always seize the opportunity to improve whenever im asked to. hopefully a change. but i was always fearful and afraid, coz i noe i just cldnt reach that mark.
so i got to noe wta is in his mind since he tok to me himself. he never used to tok to me face to face abt these things that were in his mind, but preferring to use my shepherd to tok to me, whom do not noe wat to say either. coz we all duno the reasons for the lack of breakthru i was facing. as he toked to me this mrng, i really have hoped that he had told em all those things long time ago. i valued his opinion coz i believed he has the anointing and he can see certain things. he shld have told me himself. i wouldnt have feel so bad and i wouldnt have think so much negative things abt myself. he was hard to me coz he saw the potential in me. but i have felt a dip in my confidence ever since. only last yr, when on a mission trip, my leader told me that she was glad i was on her team coz she values good worship leaders. :) that increases my confidence in leading. though i noe my trip leader has always been an encourager and always say nice things to ppl. nevertheless, that has been one of the things that kept me up whenever im down.
im still nervous abt leading worship. in fact, afraid. coz i noe each time i start. i din hit it. dissapointed in myself. i knew i have to look to God. He will noe y. he asked me to consider these two factors: sin or pride. one is subtle. one is known. so which one will issit?
im realli nto looking to men. but inevitably, we do all mind ppl's view on certain things. men are mostly men-pleasers. and i realli valued his comments. he is good. and anointed. i reali hoped that this conversation had been earlier...
hasnt been blogging. one thing, i dun really feel like blogging. hmm.. y? duno. just not in the mood. how abt today? not sure either. just thot of blogging something and updating myself in case u miss me. haha.. who's laughing?
anyway, me just back from shanghai, suzhou and hangzhou last week. i wasnt particularly in the mood to do much things after i came back. but then, i was quite busy too. but u ask wat am i busy about? i have no idea too. haha. chim rite. maybe i should recollect my days.
thur 2/2: reach changi intl airport at 5.10am. after collecting luggages and such, abt 5.30am. so we proceed to have breakfast to avoid the midnite charge from the cabs. i reach home near 7am. after some washing up, i collapsed on my bed with my other 3 sisters. my annoying relatives were here to visit agn. ha.. my hse as a chalet! :
woke up at around 2plus i think.. to have my lunch and watch a bit of tv. felt sleepy agn but i have to prepare to go for my counselling class at 7pm. oh, and i realised i cldnt find my Cf card which i think i left it in the hotel at shanghai. that would mean a good over 200 photos lost! :( sad was/is an understatement. but i duno wat to react. is gone is gone. sigh. anyway, called my tour guide( the best i ever had, will write abt her another time), but cldnt find it. i reckon that the china hotel is too lazy to find for me too. my fren suggested that i shld offer a reward. but i think is too late lah.
i had a good time in my class once again, but i was feeling tardy that i dun really get much things processing in my head. and it did not help that the lesson that day is to concentrate and observe on the non-verbals, i.e. body language.
fri 3/2: i think i woke up at 12.30pm. ha. and i forgot wat the day was that day. i think i tried unpacking some stuffs yet not some others, in case my itchy hand relatives start to touch our things agn, just like last year when i came back from japan and some stuffs were missing. : so, actuali the duno how many umpteen cases were in my room, and we tried to empty some of them and stuff into another bag, attempting to reduce the mess in my room. ha.. nite came where we went to the hai tien lo at pan pacific hotel to celebrate my mum's chinese birthday-cum-reunion dinner. service was bad. so bad that my usually non-chalant sis stayed up late to write a complaint letter. well, got the reply today. not a very good one as well. maybe i post up the complaint that my sis wrote and the reply gotten. disappointed really. and my sis din include some other things we were unhappy with too coz the letter got a bit long. heh.
sat 4/2: woke up at 6am when i slept at 2am to help my mum in her stall. helped till about 10.30am where i loiter around and have my lunch to meet my fren at 3pm. i was too lazy to go home and change coz of tht time factor to roam from the central to my countryside west and back to the central again, i walk around suntec and bugis in shorts and flip-flops..haha! we bought the stuffs that we need and we meet up with another fren to go test drive cars coz my fren wants to buy a swift. though she claimed she had not made up her mind yet. i seriously doubt that answer..haha..
the swift...nice...
anyway, i reached home at 9pm. and looked blankly at my comp. rem the equipment problem of the concert, i nd to get some info. sianz... i wonder if im a workaholic, but then, juding from my experience, i cant wait till LAST minute again. it will be chaos!
sun 5/2: woke up for 2nd svc coz was too tired for 1st, but when i rem that the speakers for both svcs were different, i felt like kicking myself. but... but nvm.. wat can i do. just download the sermon from the website lor.
mon 6/2: din go for my class agn. woke up just in time to go for my afternoon class. felt a bit unwell and i decided to head home to sleep. but i went to library till 7pm. not a bad place. library has change so much. wow... watch a bit of the campus superstar... not bad. the ite ger actualli got voted out.. i was surprised. the ri guy got voted out. im not surprised. coz he doesnt look good enuf, and i dun even feel like looking at him after a few glances. listen yes. look no. i have to say his voice is good and pleasant, a bit like guang liang, pin guan that kind of clear voice. well, that is competition. especially in spore. looks matters.
today - tue 7/2: woke up in time (again) to go to school to tend the concert/flower booth, or rather i just sit there lah. the guys were doing the main job - folding flowers. we are making flowers for fund raising. interested to buy? can click here. orders till 13th. hehe... and is quite interesting that the guys are folding flowers while we gers are toking away. nowadays, guys are more feminine than the gers.
then, we start our concert preparation - sound check, equipments and rehearsals - in the afternoon. we spent abt 2plus hours just to set up the stage! -_-" the stage wasnt very well done. and i keep walking up and down the LT to adjust the volumes in the soundroom. zzz... anyway, it was kind of strange to hear myself on the mic. not used to it. will try to sing better with the mics. anyway, everything ended around 9pm and we adjourned to have our dinner at clementi macdonalds. not much grumbles though. i learned much from this messy experience. haa...or rather for the past 3 years in SIM. :P
okie.. i noe i am rambling on and on and on. and i shall stop. is 3am. and i have a long day ahead of me. i have not prepared for my worship yet. wat shall i do? GRACE!
i will post some photos and the places i went to in shanghai next time. no photos of suzhou though..*sob* the more scenic and nicer place that i went. yes. and is all in that CF card!