I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
just felt to blog this one more thing. ydae i was in a v v bad mood. i guess is coz i was feeling unreciprocated and unappreciated. it happened coz of my student. i just took up a tuition assignment somewhr last month. he was a sec 2 boy. the 1st lesson was quite good but as it continued, the lessons were a bit getting nowhere. his attitude wasnt good. then he din do his homework i gave him. he said he din noe how to do. fine. so i went thru those questions with him agn. then he said he recalled how to do aredi. so, i left him to finish that maths assignment and went on with english. the next time i came back, he again din finish the homework i gave him. this time anything that i asked him to do, he din finish. so i was a bit angry and i asked him the reason. he said he din noe how to do. again?? ok, recalling back how i also din do the homework my tutor gave me last time, i jus asked him to do his homework on the spot and also went thru those questions which he-din-do-and-later-claimed-to-recall-and-now-forget-agn. btw, he failed his test quite miserably.. i mean realli miserably. i was surprised coz those questions were those that i went thru with him and he could do them. so i asked him the reason, he merely said during tuition he remembered but in school he forgot everything. sighz.. fine. but i was worried for him.
anyway, after saying so much, i still have not got on to the point why i was feeling unappreciated. when i reached his place on thur, ( i was bz.. i actuali find the time to go down to his house for tuition), it was then that i knew he got back his old tutor, that is my fren who cldnt make it, that was why i took over. ok. my fren wasnt around. is just that he was coming later that evening. her mum had remembered the wrong day of my coming. she thot i was coming on fri. fine. i dun mind her getting back my fren, i mind when they din tell me and i mind when my student gave me the disappointed look that it was me and not my fren. i mind that i had to find out abt this matter accidentally. ok. i may not be the best tutor around but i wld appreciate that u respected me coz i put in my best to help him! anyway, so i casually asked his mum if she's getting back my fren and if anything was wrong. her mum red in the face, obviously embarassed, said that her boy told her he din understand the maths i taught him and his boy likes my fren's way of teaching better. ok. fine. so i was asked to teach english instead. i said fine too. after all, he is going to have his english paper 1 on friday, that is today.
anyway, i proceeded with the lesson, and i asked him since he din understand when i taught him, why didnt he tell me coz everytime i finished, i will asked him if he understood, if not, i will explain agn. the response that i got will either be a blank face or he will keep laughing and laughing. and when i asked him if he understood agn, he would nod his head. he replied that he din understd my teachings and said that weilun is better(my fren). i said ok. but then he said," but u teach english better." fine. i went ahead with the english. again, he din do the homework that i have asked him to complete. and that 1.5h was the worst i can ever get. watever that i went thru with him, he just keep laughing non-stop! he was getting on my nerves. no matter wat i asked him, he will just keep laughing. even when i asked him y he kept laughing, he will just continue laughing and sometimes with a silly grin and "duno" in between. by then, frustrated was an understatement. he was testing my patience. anyway, coz that day i had something on, i told him i will be going off earlier by 15min. before i left, i asked him if he wanted me to come back for the next tuition. his answer was he duno. i was turned off and honestly, hurt by that answer. so, i just told him. "ok, just asked ur mum to call me if u still want me to be back" was my answer.
just like that. my mood was off. my night was bad. argh. and it din help that i was driving and the traffic sucked. i have to honestly said i felt violated. ha. sounds like a strong word, but not that kind, i wld rather mean i felt the norm of reciprocity not met. and i suddenly realised this may help in my psychology and HRM essay. not all ppl will reciprocate the effort that u put in. or may not even see the effort that u put in. yes. im easily hurt. i have to admit that my self-esteem was hurt even. ha. y? coz i was also thinking, could it be that im really a lousy tutor that i cldnt even teach a Normal Tech guy?? all sorts of possiblity y he cldnt understd me went thru my mind. i have to admit that my academic was kinda half-past six sometimes. i hate to admit that but...
his mum hasnt called me yet. but seriously, i am thinking of not going back even if his mum wans me to though i would reali like that income. and also i was oding my fren a favour. that boy was my fren's cousin. y? coz wats the point of going back if im nt appreciated and her boy doesnt like me anyway?
我受伤了。
anyway, before this, i had decided to change the tuition to once a week instead of 2 after his mid-yr exams coz of my time constraint. now, i think thats good thing also. i will have one more free day for myself. ha. but a couple of hundreds poorer...
i had a blocked ear since last tue until the next tue. i was feeling a bit incongruent and even distracted whenever i tok or even sing. i got a bit upset when i cant hear the key of the songs im singing and even sometimes when ppl are toking. sighz... but i have no idea y i endure for a wk b4 i decide to go c a doc. mayb im thinking is juz a small matter and will most probably be back to normal within a day or 2. but yar.. it took more than that! and it actualli got me worried for a while. so i went to see doc on tue mrng.
the incident was ... haha.. quite funnie lei... my doc chked my ear coz she thot most prob is coz i have too much wax in my ear thats y the block. but after she looked, she said, "hm..ur ears are quite clean, shouldnt be the wax." then she proceeded to ask me if i went swimming, if i have sorethroat, block nose, etc. when i answered no to all her questions, she was a bit puzzled. she cldnt see wats wrong. ok, so she checked my throat and my nose and ha! she said my nose is actuali quite blocked! i was quite surprised when i heard that coz i definitely din realised i had a blocked nose. so, she asked, " u mean u din realise u have a blocked nose?"..haha.. blur me.. i din even actuali realise i've been having block nose! so she covered one side of my nose and asked me to breathe. 'can breathe?'.. i said yes. then she covered the other side. 'can breathe?'.. err.. this then i realise, yar i cant breathe v well, though i can breathe.. ahhaa... so, her diagnosis is - most prob coz of the bad blocked nose that coz my ear to be blocked coz they are linked. so she prescribed some cold medicine for my nose and a ear drop. hahaa.. i left the clinic in utter amazement at myself...haaa.. no wonder i hvnt been sleeping well! most prob coz of the stupid nose, the not enuf oxygen that cause my heart to beat so fast and put my body into discomfort! bleah~
p.s. my afterthought abt this incident as i think more abt it is regrading my spiritual state. im probably oblivious to the fact that im insensitive to my spiritual senses. blocked ears, blocked nose and din noe abt them until God has to resolve to knock me on my head..
Open the blind eyes, unlock the deaf ears Come to Your people as we draw near Hear us from heaven, touch our generation We are Your people, crying out in desperation...
out of popular demand. ha. kidding. out of boredom, i decided to blog this... just some random questions seen at someone's bloggy. so there it goes... edited: i have edited some of the answers coz after thinking thru, i think some words changed reflect my feelings better. :)
My ex is: someone whom i still remember ( difft from think of/ missed) sometimes, and wonder y is he lidat??
Maybe I should: hm.. stop using too much internet? sobz.. no self-control...
I love: God! singing! dun think i can live a day w/o singing...
I don't understand: many things...
People say I'm: duno lei... wat did they say? wat say u?
Love is: patient, love is kind. love is self-giving and sacrificial. not self-seeking. and is beautiful! God is LOVE!
Somewhere, someone is: waiting to be helped.
I will always: procrastinate. think abt a lot of things. plan and plan... but still get nothing done...
I think the current US President: hm.. duno wat to say.. duno much abt him...
When I wake up in the morning: "wats the time huh"? grabbed my hp, look at time. then go back to sleep.
My past was: what past is past. i shall look to the future. :)
I get annoyed when: ppl call me when i am doing some serious thinking...
Parties are for: gathering? hee.. i dun reali like parties
My dog is: lying in peace now. he was my dear.. sigh..passed away le.. so sad...
My cat is: dun have. dun like cats. but jac's whisker is quite nice... the nicer i seen so far... behaved a bit like dog.. friendly and all... hee...
Kisses are the best when: they are from someone u like...
Tomorrow: is always another better day! His mercies are new every morning!
I really want: to graduate with good marks that will please the Lord and my earthly parents! and hearing God say to me, "well done, good and faithful servant" when i finished my journey here...
I have low tolerance for people who: are chinese but dislike speaking in chinese and everything chinese when they are chinese... is difft from those who cant speak chinese but dun mind chinese.. is more of those who think they are so high up that they cant speak chinese... i reali buey tahan.. coz they are chinese! sori.. abit work up.. coz is low tolerance mah..
People who should do this: EVERYONE who sees this. pls do. haha.
ok.. im off to school liao... :D may today be a beautiful day...
singing: Your grace is sufficient for me Your strength is made perfect when I am weak All that i cling to, i lay Your feet Your grace is sufficient for me...
this is my post from my profile section. i have moved it here... this post is more of an inspiration from some other blogger who did it way before me.. :) jus something abt the past me. we all have to move forward dun we? ;)
i am...
i am that baby who came too early on 02 july 1982, only weighing 2.3kg but was deemed fit enough to discharge. i am that baby who went in and out of the hospital due to asthma, juandice and a raptured intestine. i am that little girl who was rejected in the family who somehow prefers her sisters. i am that little girl who was told to 'shut up' when asked too many questions. i am that little girl who went to school herself since kindergarten and wondered why her classmates would cry when their parents werent round. i am that girl whom her mum left on the day of her birthday. i am the girl who was used to playing with herself until her friends came along. i am the girl who was treated like a maid in her granny's house and envied her sister who never have to lift a finger. i am the girl who began to ask, 'wats the meaning of life?' and never did really find out. i am the girl who tried all sorts of things to find life and found out that they dun actuali work. i am the girl who was found by Him one day on the streets. yes. my Lord Jesus Christ. and start to learn the real meaning of life. i am the girl who has been born again. i am a child who is learning how to walk all over again. this time with His help. holding on tight. i am the child who is still walking and journeying on. with Him. and intend to walk with for the rest of my life...