I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
Some Updates & Some Thoughts on My Pathway to Destiny
was thinking whether i shld blog or not... blog or not... until i decided that maybe i shld write something here since i have not really appear here for qutie sometiems aredi... since the last entry, quite a lot of things have happened... for most things better.. and somehow when things are good, i wldnt think of blogging them down... is only when things go awry or when u r feeling down, then we will start penning them down.. well, at least for me... i shldnt say everyone.
well, things i think worth mentioning...
i think about a week ago, i had a little chat with a fren over the msn. we nv have been close and she only toks to me when n when she likes. i dun think anything of it. coz she has been lidat all the while. and since she is the one who initiate the chat, i accepted the chat. i am reali nt someone who thinks a lot over such things and im someone who thinks most of the faults lies with me if there ever is a misunderstanding or whatsoever. well, we began to chat... and then somehow, to cut a long story short, i realised we do had a very long misunderstanding. and a v unfortunate one too. i admit that initially it was my fault and she was the sort who din come and clarify and so some things happened, and she still thought i was the culprit and again she din come and clarify with me... and things got worst. she began to avoid me, though i thought it was strange but i again din think much of it coz she has been lidat for a while.. i thought, well, maybe is just her chtr. until, that day! well, but again to cut a long story short, im glad the things got cleared up. almost every was a misunderstanding... and all these things got snowballed just because of the very 1st and 2nd incident which i din explain and din bother to clarify... haha.. but im glad it turned out well anyway :) i hope from this point onwards, is just upwards and nt downhill!
we just finished 2 days of events with my big big boss in spore. i have to say he just inspires me..his big heart and his heart for the ministry and for the ppl. no airs even though he is a renowned evangelist. i think pauline was also inspired by him that she took the 3 of the posters we designed home to put in her house...haha... they are A2 posters! anyway, the publications head is great too... clarify a lot of things with my department about the reasons of them withholding resources with us and certain things that Ev. Bonnke doesnt like on his stuff. thats simply great. it shows me the perspective that is not just abt him or me or even karen, but the ministry. it is the ministry. we wldnt want to misrepresent the ministry in any way. which puts me to my next point.
he requested me to go to our US ofc to be trained. so i will noe more abt the ministry and how they work and so on. i am excited to noe that but is nt reali going to US that excites me honestly. even if is juz msia, i will be happy. not for that fact of whr i am going but wat i will be doing. i want to c more of the ministry, more of the perspective. to noe more of wat im doing and i can contribute to the ministry. is not just going to be a mundane work but everything for a purpose. which again brings me to my next point.
i thought to myself, but i go to the US, it will be hard for me to leave aredi. I was planning to leave next yr. but now that im gg to be trained, and i have to say i am highly favoured in the ofc, i wondered when i can go. my 1st instinct is that, no, i cant go definitely by next yr... i must at least finish helping wat i must help. i was asked to help in the upcoming hongkong ofc as wellby Rob. and he says that i must at least go for one crusade to noe the heart of the ministry, and karen wans me to go to philippines in sep with her. well, thats so many things in the pipeline, going is out of the question. but of coz again, this led me to another question.
is this wat the Lord has arrange for me in my life? is this my destiny? am i walking on it now? i always thought that i will be called to the nations, but when Ron was toking to me, i saw myself in the nations in a different manner. is this the way that the Lord wans me, to be involved in the nations? if this is so, i wldnt mind. i just dun wan to miss the call. but somehow all these things just happened without me doing anything at all. i was just being faithful in the things i was asked to do and do the best as much as i can. karen always quote Provb 22:29 "Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men" to me. frankly speaking, i have no idea y she said that im excellent in my work and the way she look me so up (pardon the singlish) when i thought i just so-so in my works. favour i thought. that is the favour of God.
just now i was toking to a fren abt wat was happening in my job. and he said that he felt that im highly blessed. the way he sees me work, handle things, presides over the guitar club and even my sch results, he felt that i was v blessed and things go well for me. i have to say that yes, i am indeed v blessed.. about my results, the guitar club and even my job. i have to say they are all coz of God. honestly, when i looked back at wat he said abt me. all i can see is the goodness of God, and nothing of my credits at all.
school results - i got a 2nd lower honours. i admit i was v v lazy and God blessed me with good memory and good writing skills, and even good studying skills. i dun go for class, i dun do my assignments.. but at least, i studied for my exams. and i have to say, it is coz God told me to go to SIM or it will the last on my list.
guitar club - i thought i reali did a bad job abt it. im nt a leader leading kind of person and i was vexed abt it when i cldnt hear the next direction from God. coz i only can do something when God said something. coz in all actuality, He is the one leading, not me coz like i said, i wasnt a leader at all. i tried my best wat i think is best frm my perspective. He gave me the grace. i cant say i did a gd job though i survived up till now (though it might be a bit wavering now). even though i dun c the objective fulfilled in it. the purpose of setting up, in my perspective, wasnt met at all. ... but again, as i looked, it is God who brought the ppl and even capable ppl to help... Elizabeth, Jonathan, Sebastian and so on, who are faithful ppl who helped in watever they can... when we r in a loss for our instructors, Sean and Joshua came along to help... without us doing much... and thank God they r dedicated Catholic and Christian. they understood that we r not into too heavy music and they respected us.
my job - which is a miracle. im not trained in graphics and i hv never dreamed of being one. is just an interest, a hobby. and of coz, my job scope wasnt to do this at all. i duno how it became one one day and i looked upon as talented by my boss. it was a learning curve. when u r in the learning curve of God.. we cant help but marvel.
i told my fren that things werent as smooth as he think it is. i told him maybe he cld slow down and asked the Lord wat is His purpose for his life, maybe he wldnt been striving so much as he is now. words still cldnt go into his heart. he says he cant be like me. oh ya... one thing he mentioned abt my calmness of handling things... im not sure wat it is, but i have been mentioned by a lot of ppl by laidbackness... some positive, some negative... and it is just a personality of mine... again given by the Lord, i think... haha.. but again, personality without character = nothing. i told him i have wanted to be a counsellor all my life simply coz of the fact i love to help ppl in watever ways i can and i think the emotional needs are the most needed. and he wun noe how many times that the Lord close the door and say no to me regarding this. he cldnt believe it. sometimes, God just dun give us things He noes is not good for us. i believe is true and sometimes it is hard to swallow that.
so this boils down to my question: am i on my pathway of my destiny? or it is again or distraction and round about to my destination? i reali got to noe abt it :)
just one more entry before i end. ha.. i was chatting with this fren of mine on the msn. yes. i chat quite a lot on it. and we were chatting and chatting and again he toked abt the topic of marriages and if anybody's after me again. i was disturbed. frankly, if it is other ppl, im fine abt it. coz like he said, coz we are all of marriageable age and so he has been toking to his frens abt all these too. but the fact that it disturbed me is that the person i like is HIM.
i told him frankly that i dislike him asking me those questions. think he was a bit taken aback that i din like. and he din pursue the matter either. but he did pop me a question if it has been long that i dislike such questions since it has been quite a long time ago when he started asking such questions whenever we toked.
sighz.. so God, when r u showing me who is that right person?