I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
people of my age usuali have quarter life crisis, or mayb mid life crisis, watever u call it. i always have it after i finished one of my major exams. but this time it is not, this is reali a crisis coz unlike last time, i think i only have problem with wat is the next step of my life, in the sense of career. now, it is more of a..i wanna make sense of everything that has happened in my life. my career, relationship and everything. i used to think i noe wat i wan, but now i dun think so anymore... it seems that watever i wanted wasnt wat God wan for my life. so, i reali dunno anymore since i thot all i wan is wat God wans for me. which is true coz i noe all of His plan for me is good and great for me. BUT the thing is, wat r they? will He tell me? im so tired of guessing and thinking mayb mayb that is wat He wans for me... sighz...
im so sianz today...yet nt reali...i hv a nice time chilling out at home..and play some games, pack my room and do some graphics work...
im now in the midst of wkg at home with my macbook pro...yep. bought it. thanks to a bro who actuali paid for me 1st and i will be paying him back on installments. and he actuali helped me saved on the 3.6% admin charges. Thanks! u will be deeply blessed! a Kingdom principle - give and more will be given unto u..haha.. though in this case, is nt reali "give", but the principle is still there. im amazed at hw everything look like in mac... simply wonderful and interesting. the apple ppl reali makes great interface. anyway, my entry today is nt abt my wonderful macbook pro, though it is simply wonderful and amazing.. haha...
just like wat i said just now... im not in the midst of wkg..almost finish... but then, i was thinking as i was doing... issit reali something i like? i mean the design, nt the design process itself. i reali do enjoy it... but then, i dun enjoy it as much as i was b4..i think it is mainly due to...this is no longer just an interest but my rice bowl... and hvg to adhere to the taste of my boss and not my own has been a constant challenge. (the taste of my boss' and mine is rather difft i can say) and so, i nd to constantly find a balance between wat i like and wat my boss like... afterall, if my boss dun like, i just have to keep changing and changing till she likes, so i thot, sometime it is just pointless to keep to something i like... though agn i think that to do something of my boss' style yet at the same time retain my style brought another interesting dimension to my job though... yet sometimes the things that i came out with, i felt that i no longer can recognise whether is something i like or not... and i constantly hv to ask the ppl ard me wat they think of them, will boss like it?... and as i thought abt it, i recalled on some things along the way... my fren upon noeing that i am some sort of a designer wans me to her my works that i think is the best. i replied," none i think" and she was quite surprised. and im surprised too when i replied that and it somehow caused me to reflect for a while...y? (but upon further thinking, i think i have, but it is not for my work but something personal i did for my SIM guitar club).
then today i was watching the tv for a while, reali just a while... 30min? and the show was abt tis singer who wrote a song but was thot that the music was plagiarised frm somewhr else... and this ger asked him,"so do u like the song u wrte?" and he replied,"i used to. now, im not sure." the ger replied," the most impt thing is that u like it. y do u have to care wat others say and please others?" well, it struck a chord with me deep within. "y do i have to please others?" this has all along been a weakness of mine - to pls others.
so now, as im doing my stuff, wanting to just 交差 on tue. afterall, i reali hv no more time left... my boss on saturday originally agreed to the design, then at the last minute changed her mind and she wans a design similar to wat my colleague did. and i have to say i wasnt v happy. how can 2 invitation acrds be the same, and furthermore some of the guests will be the same? i didnt say anthing that day but as i thought, i think it reali wasnt a gd idea to have 2 cards look simliar. and all my colleagues agree with me. afterall, wats the point of hvg 2 similar looking card.. so, here am i, attempting to "plagiarise" my colleagues design and trying to make it not so simliar yet similar..sighz...anyway, i have done all i can. see wat my boss will say then. i reali do hv to find my passion back. not only on designing but also serving the Lord thru this. there are certain things i hv not yet manage to understand and i hope i will soon.
today i went down to wheelock place to get my macbook pro...and din get to buy it in the end... bleh...
reason is, after everythiing was settled, then do i got to noe they do not accept jcb card.. well, since that is the only credit card i have, i cldnt do much abt it... it was utter embarrassment for me though i must say the customer service rendered was very good. that sales person even apologised to me for the trouble they gave me coz they dun accept jcb card. i was surprised. hmm.. well, next thing i cld think of was to ask my sis to come down... and then my sis said she didnt have 4k credit in her card coz she had alredi spent more than 2k... and hm... only able to pay her bills end of the mth when her salary comes in... sighz... sad man... how? i got to wait lor...though i do hope i can get it asap... and oh, i nd to rem to call the apple guy to ask him to put everything back 1st coz it will have to be at the end of the mth b4 i purchased.
just thot to post a song here that i just used for a fren's wedding montage by steven curtis chapman... romantic n meaningful song...
I Will Be Here(Steven Curtis Chapman)
Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the sun does not appear I will be here If in the dark, we lose sight of love Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I will be here I will be here When you feel like being quiet When you need to speak your mind I will listen And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin' Through the winning, losing and trying We'll be together I will be here
Tomorrow morning, if you wake up And the future is unclear I will be here
Just as sure as seasons were made for change Our lifetimes were made for these years So I will be here
I will be here And you can cry on my shoulder When the mirror tells us we're older I will hold you And I will be here To watch you grow in beauty And tell you all the things you are to me I will be here I will be true to the promise I have made To you and to the One who gave you to me
Tomorrow morning, if you wake up And the sun does not appear I will be here Oh, I will be here.
Have u tried wanting to give up something yet find it so difficult. wanting to let go but the more u try, the more u feel that u want it? i do. and im facing it now. sighz. im reali trying to tell God, yes, i want to let go but yet in my heart of hearts, i noe it is something dear to me that i reali cldnt bear to. but again, i noe that wat the Lord wans for my life, prepares for me is more and so much better than wat i wan for my life and wat i thought is good for me. i cant see it now. but i have to believe in God and hope in God. not faith coz He hasnt tell me anything. but trust and hope in Him. someone told me that the difference in faith and hope are 2 different things. hope simply relies on the character and goodness of God. trust i guess also relies on the same thing.
now abide faith, hope, love, but the greatest of them is love.
yes. love. God is love. :)
giving up and letting go. then i can move on and go on to the next stage. yes. i noe there is this thing that i nd to overcome and i will be on the phase of my life...
this is a random post.. somehow there are a few things that i kept seeing recently that caught my eye so i decided to blog abt them...
1. i kept seeing this restaurant being mentioned. maybe i shld reali go try one day.
www.hogsbreath.com.sg
2. i seen this same song twice posted on difft ppl's blog on the same day. depeche mode's somebody
I want somebody to share Share the rest of my life Share my innermost thoughts Know my intimate details Someone wholl stand by my side And give me support And in return Shell get my support She will listen to me When I want to speak About the world we live in And life in general Though my views may be wrong They may even be perverted Shell hear me out And wont easily be converted To my way of thinking In fact shell often disagree But at the end of it all She will understand me Aaaahhhhh....
I want somebody who cares For me passionately With every thought and With every breath Someone wholl help me see things In a different light All the things I detest I will almost like I dont want to be tied To anyones strings Im carefully trying to steer clear of Those things But when Im asleep I want somebody Who will put their arms around me And kiss me tenderly Though things like this Make me sick In a case like this Ill get away with it Aaaahhhhh....
and one of the post that i read was, "God, he’s really asking for the sky." haha...
3. my watches got into freak accidents one by one and now im only left with... hmm... 2 watches? that i wear most of the time... i reali like watches as my accessories... but now, i think i shld just keep them as neccessity then... afterall, watches are nt exactly cheap...
1st watch that got into freak accidents: my blue swatch i just squeezed it at the bracelet rather randomly and it snapped!
2nd watch: i accidentally dropped it on the floor and the bracelet snapped as well!
3rd watch: i again dropped it accidentally and the face got cracked!
4th watch: one day, the bracelet just snapped at the end of the day!
arrghh... i was and still am i wondering if God is speaking to me thru all these.. want to noe but hvnt got round to ask.. :P...haha... but i reali dun think they r coincidences coz they all "died" in freak accidents....
and one very very random note: i have decided to go get my MBP next mth!! yippee~!! :D am happy!
a personality dna report which i did 2 days ago.. dun think is very accurate regarding the ARTIST part, the GENEROUS part i think is not too bad...keke...
is near 1am now. i still cant get to sleep coz of the heavy dinner i had with my family at amk hub. i was wondering whether this trip out with them is worth it. honestly, i reali do not enjoy gg out with them anymore, not that i did before but i honestly cherished my family members and want to show my care and concern for them as much as possible and hopefully they do as well. but time and again wat i get is only hurts and that take-for-granted attitude. i was thinking, issit reali worth it? issit reali worth it for me to look at them and feel the hurt in me. money money money is all they care. from at home and onto the car and all the way. all they tok abt is money. do they reali care? im tired of all this. wat have this world come to? and i actuali do feel a bit of resentment in the car as i heard them rattled on and on, and in my heart, i thought i was in the wrong place. i shld have gone to church for the todd bentley's mtg instead.
im tired. tired of being taken advantage. even by my own family. tired. tired of taking care of the hse. tired. tired that i cant try to tok sense into my parents. my sisters. y do i nd to take charge? i reali nd a breather. y do u think i was always online when i was at home? and i actuali feel stressed when they are at home? honestly, i rather much wan to stay alone in my own privy plc. yes. a small room will suffice for me. yes. staying out is so much better for me than to come home.
last wk, i was toking to this sister-in-Christ of mine and i told her that im reali tired. tired of walking backwards. tired of being taken advantage. she encouraged me that i wasnt walking backwards, just on a different track. i wondered. issit true? and y afraid of beign taken advantage of? the Lord will take care of us. wun he? yes. i believe He will. but i noe the Lord will let us be take advantage of. just like he was. but the diff will be... my response and my attitude. maybe one day. one day, i wun feel anything even if im taken advantage of...
so how? hw am i gg to face them? hw am i gg to lead them to christ? honestly speaking, im tired of reaching out to them and yet also afraid that they may not noe the Lord b4 they go.i noe the Lord is good and He will be save. but when?
It has been some time since i blogged..hm.. so im gg to run thru wat i have did since the last time...also recounting for myself...
my honeymoon period in ofc ended when my boss comes back from the states.. and right after a mtg, i realised i suddenly have more than 5 things i need to do. haha... thank God i have an assistant to help me with another part which is another 2 or 3 things. im hoping that i will nt have a multimedia to do...but... c how it goes lah. oh, but my assistant is going bonkers coz my boss doesnt reali like her style and the things she designed though i thot it was not bad.. too bad.. she has to adhere to de boss lah... so she v pek cek... and when she is lidat, im reali afraid coz when we have to OT till the next mrng the other time, coz of the buggy software and the lousy computer, she nearly went crazy. And last saturday when my boss rejected her work again... actuali nt agn, but more of, there's theme my boss wans us to follow so have to redesign ( and i already told them before hand that they shld give me a theme or i will have to redo it when theres one, so after many times they insisting that there is NO theme, i get on with it... BUT see lah, after mtg, there IS a theme after all.. these ppl... haiz... just cldnt understd wat we need... design design... design wat??!! no details, no theme, do wat? and that someone who keep telling me wat i shld do, wat i shld use, yada yada yada... i was wanting to ask him 'You designer or i designer?' but i din lah... meekness...) anyway, i shall not bother abt that... *stop complaining* i noe is how God is wkg in my life... and i got to rejoice for that... :)
anyway, enuf abt work. i found my fren on friendster! or rather, she found me! haha...excited abt that and i was justed thinking if i wld meet her agn on that day as i scrolled thru my contact list. come to think of it, it shld nt be a coincidence... maybe.. hm...
anyway, we met up last week and have a nice tok. nt realli reminscencing but more of getting on in life and that is so great! coz many times when mtg up with new friends, there might be the worry that 2 of us may have become strangers and feel awkawrad in front of one another. but thankfully, most of my old frens are still the same whenever we mt up, even though, sometimes only like once in a yr or 2 yrs... amazing...
anyway, her appearance made me think of composing songs again. why? coz my fren now composes songs as her interest. ydae as i was at her vlog, i decided to look for the songs that i have composed a few yrs back, and i surprised. pleasantly surprised. yet somehow rather sad too. surprised that i wasnt too bad at the songs though i thot they werent gd when i wrote at that time. sad as i was wondering wat happened to me nowadays? i no longer write songs and i dun even hv inspiration to sing songs anymore. in fact, i thot my singing wasnt as gd as i was b4.. sighz... i wondered wat happened. or was it just my thoughts and being emo. y did i always think that my oast seemed to be better than the present? isnt my life suppose to better and better? or issit like wat the bible says old man dying each day? anyway, think i will reali nd to get back my interest for music... and photography..
last thing, i have been bowling for the past 2 weeks... not too bad as i got kakis to play with. my highest has been 160+ for the last 2 weeks. im not v happy nor sad with it. but i noe i can do better. anyway, is all for fun and for challenging myself. still contemplating if i shld go bowling tmr... though i thot mayb i will, yet i thot maybe not... sighz..duno lah... there is something i wanna say too but thot maybe i will not...haha...
oh God, i jus wan to lift up my life into Your hands as i reali somehow come to understand that when im in Your will, everything will be fine and good. Why do i keep fretting and worrying if im in Your good hands. Oh Lord, teach me to wait upon u, and follow wat You say that i will be in Your will. You say " Seek You and Your Kingdom first and all these things will be added unto You".. and i believe it. in fact, it has always been the verse im living and standing upon. Thank You Lord. i noe You will not disappoint me and i hope i will be a cause that brings a smile to Your face. :)