I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
im a thinker who think of many things but not a do-er. resulting: all thoughts but no actions. sigh.. thats a bad combi of personality.. coz it only adds up the "to-do-list" in my mind... only to also add up more things and stress to myself. all these unwitting stress. coz things pile up inside my mind. and i dunno how to handle. wat am i thinking of? u might be thinking why dun i just go do those things? one thing, the things that i wanna or have to do are all a clash of my personality. sigh.. that getting out of my comfort zone, the lack of courage and taking that step of faith keeps me whr i am. i think i nd someone to hold on to me! like wat i just watch in the lastest flash cartoon in the donghaeng site. "footprints" - when the mountain seemed higher, i have to follow His footsteps to reach that higher place!
my lecturer says when someone cldnt manage the different selfs, duno which selfs to focus on in him or herself, he or she would become crazy or depress. i think what my lecturer said is true to a certain extent. afterall, psychology is all about the studying of the fallen nature of man, which only focus on SELF. yar, self... self is something we all have to deny. no.. not living in the self denial of reaching nirvana. but denying the fallen self by picking that cross to reveal that true self... that orginal self that the Lord has given to us when He created us. and that is wat we meant by a "new creation". we are all a new creation in Christ. no longer conforming to the world standard. by speech, conduct, behaviour and even thinking.
i was a bit sick these few days, and dun reali can do much things. in the sense of reading. watever readings make no sense to me. and my walk with the Lord... i so wish it will get so much better... doesnt seemed to spend enuf time with my Lord... let me thirst and hunger after Him!
ydae on my way home, met a very very very RUDE and RECKLESS driver... if im nt a Christian, i will have "dio" him liao, or prob put up my middle finger!
i was on the expressway, middle lane. and coz the traffic in front is rather slow, i decided to turn into the 1st lane. so i signal, and there was this car, but he was far enuf for me to cut into the lane. so i turned in. but guess wat? he horned at me! **** !! and he was still at a distance somemore!! idiot!! then after that, u guess it, he shift out of the 1st lane, and went to the middle lane and zoom passed me with a ultimate RUDE look! but being a nice Christian, i gave him a blank-and-i-dun-wanna-bother-about-u look. then he purposely cut in front of me, without signalling just as i predicted. (ok..issue is nt abt he got signal or not, but that i signalled and he horned at me, and he so far somemore!! and he didnt even!!! ) my frens who were on the car with me said i was too nice. should have at least horn at this rude idiotic man who didnt even signal and gave me an ultimate rude face!
aiyo! y lidat one? i have met so many many different kind of drivers ever since i drove. most ok lah..some siao one! cant be a bit more polite? tok abt a cultural country and civilised ppl!
remember i column that i read b4. somehow ppl just turned nasty when they are on their shiny big machine when if they are not, are ppl who are polite and got manners. but somehow change when they are in their car. i think it has something to do with ego. must drive fast. show got skill. then car expensive mah, so must protect.
It's a Wednesday night and you are at a church prayer meeting when somebody runs in from the parking lot and says, "Turn on a radio, turn on a radio." And while the church listens to a little transistor radio with a microphone stuck up to it, the announcement is made: "Two women are lying in a Long Island hospital dying from the mystery flu."
Within hours it seems, this flu just sweeps across the country. People are working around the clock trying to find an antidote. Nothing is working. USA, Asia, Africa, Europe, Australia. It's as though it's just sweeping in from all over the world. And then, all of a sudden the news comes out. A cure can be found. A vaccine can be made. It's going to take the blood of somebody who hasn't been infected, and so, sure enough, all through the world, through all those channels of emergency broadcasting, everyone is asked to do one simple thing: Go to your downtown hospital and have your blood type taken. That's all we ask of you. When you hear the sirens go off in your neighborhood, please make your way quickly, quietly, and safely to the hospitals.
Sure enough, when you and your family get down there late on that Friday night, there is a long line, and they've got nurses and doctors coming out and pricking fingers and taking blood and putting labels on it. Your wife and your kids are out there, and they take your blood type and they say, "Wait here in the parking lot and if we call your name, you can be dismissed and go home." You stand around, scared, with your neighbors, wondering what in the world is going on and if this is the end of the world.
Suddenly a young man comes running out of the hospital screaming. He's yelling a name and waving a clipboard. What? He yells it again! And your son tugs on your jacket and says, "Daddy, that's me." Before you know it, they have grabbed your boy. Wait a minute. Hold on! And they say, "It's okay, his blood is clean. His blood is pure.We want to make sure he doesn't have the disease.
Five tense minutes later, out come the doctors and nurses, crying and hugging one another-some are even laughing, and an old doctor walks up to you and says, "Thank you, sir. Your son's blood type is perfect. It's clean, it is pure,and we can make the vaccine."As the word begins to spread all across that parking lot full of folks, people are screaming and praying and laughing and crying. But then the gray-haired doctor pulls you and you wife aside and says, "May we see you for moment? We didn't realize that the donor would be a minor and we need ... we need you to sign a consent form." The number of pints of blood to be taken is empty.
"H-how many pints?"And that is when the old doctor's smile fades and he says, "We had no idea it would be little child. We weren't prepared. We need it all."
"But-but...You don't understand."
"We are talking about the world here. Please sign. We need it all!"
"But can't you give him a transfusion?"
"If we had clean blood we would. Can you sign? Would you sign?"
In numb silence, you do.
Then they say, "Would you like to have a moment with him before we begin?"
Can you walk back? Can you walk back to that room where he sits on a table saying, "Daddy? Mommy? What's going on?" Can you take his hands and say, Son,your mommy and I love you, and we would never ever let anything happen to you that didn't just have to be. Do you understand that?"And when that old doctor comes back in and says, "I'm sorry, we've-got to get started. People all over the world are dying. Can you leave?
Can you walk out while he is saying, "Dad? Mom?Dad? "Why, why have you forsaken me?" And then next week, when they have the ceremony to honor your son, and some folks sleep through it, and some folks don't even come because they go to the lake, and some folks come with a pretentious smile and just pretend to care.
Would you want to jump up and say, "MY SON DIED FOR YOU! DON'T YOU CARE?"
Is that what GOD wants to say?
"MY SON DIED FOR YOU. DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE?"
Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed You watched my team win You watched my team lose Watched when my bicycle went down again And when I was weak, unable to speak Still I could call You by name And I said, Elbow Healer, Superhero Come if You can You said, I Am
Only sixteen, life is so mean What kind of curfew is at 10pm? You saw my mistakes And watched my heart break Heard when I swore I'd never love again And when I was weak, unable to speak Still I could call You by name And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper Be my best friend And you said, I Am
You saw me wear white by pale candlelight I said forever to what lies ahead Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream Too much it might seem when it is 2am And when I am weak, unable to speak Still I will call You by name Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker Hold onto my hand You say, I Am
The winds of change and circumstance blow in and all around us So we find a foothold that's familiar And bless the moments that we feel You nearer
When life had begun, I was woven and spun You let the angels dance around the throne And who can say when, but they'll dance again When I am free and finally headed home I will be weak, unable to speak Still I will call You by name Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer Comforter, Healer, my Redeemer Lord and King, Beginning and the End
posted those songs.. to somehow reflect how im feeling...
im in a loss of wat to write here. most prob coz i reali duno wat to say too.. things have not been well... at home... and i dun wish to mention abt it to anyone.. of coz, to those i want to.. and neccessary.
anyway, i was given a word from my fren, " My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness". Amen! i truly believe that was given to me by God. i noe im in a sort of trial. to shake wat can be shaken in me. just like somehow connected to wat pst yang shared ydae, our works..issit made up of gold, silver or precious stones? or hay, straw and stubble? when go thru the fire, will it remain as it is, or become just dust coz it cant go thru that fire. it realli doesnt matter how much we do. but wat is the quality of the stuff. indeed, unless the Lord builds the house, we labour in vain.
i asked myself or rather God questions when i walked home after church... halfway, i knew im just somehow throwing my tantrums and questioning Him.. sigh.. im just a child.. not grown up yet.. and apt to my season, im reading Job and i discovered, i asked the same question as Job. haha... questions that people will ask when trials come... so typical. and that is existed in that sin nature. to find some thing or some one to blame.
feeling tired, helpless and keeping my emotions under check... be sober, be vigilant!
And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Gal 6:9 And they overcame him by theblood of the Lamband by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Rev 12:11 Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him. He shall also be my salvation, for a hypocrite could not come before Him. Job 13:15, 16
Fight of Faith.singer unknown (at least to me..ha)
Here I am, at Your feet, Crying out to You. Draw me near, hold me close, Lord I wait on You.
Lord You’re my greatest love, You’re my Comforter and Strength. You’re the First, You’re the Last, You’re my Guiding Light.
Chorus: I will run, I will soar On eagle’s wings As I wait on You, Lord. My strength is restored. Fix my eyes on You, Jesus, as I run this race. Help me find this fight of faith.
Before I knew Your Name, You knew my every breath. Before I found my way, You knew my every step. Before I knew everything that I need, You gave it all to me.
No greater love than this… That You should lay down Your life For someone such as me; I’d spend a lifetime wondering why. The Beauty of Heaven Is here in my heart And I know there can be No greater love than this.
I never understood How merciful Love could be, Until I felt His Flame Light every part of me And I would give everything that I am ’Cause I have been saved; Yes, I have been saved!
No greater love than this… That You should lay down Your life For someone such as me; I’d spend a lifetime wondering why. The Beauty of Heaven Is here in my heart And I know there can be No greater love.
Oh, oh oh, oh oh, woah… The Beauty of Heaven Is here in my heart And I know there can be No greater love... For someone such as me. No greater love...than this.
felt restless... dunno wat to do, though i have a lot to do...especially my studies... realli, the enemy walks round like a roaring lion seeking to devour whom he can. have to be sober and alert even in this season. my walk with the Lord dun seemed to be improving.. in fact, felt a bit of lagging behind.. sigh... wats on the surface is not equal to wat im feeling inside. of coz, i still love the Lord. with all my heart and soul! looking back to some of my sermon notes over the years, including some bible studies i did myself. im somehow amazed at myself, those things that i can write last time... where on earth did those come from?? from the Holy Spirit of coz. i dun think i can write those things now. funny isnt it, though those things were from myself. all i can say is, i am reali now just relying back on wat i had for the last few years. my foundation was strong. but that was it. stop there. ok..to be fair. i did move on a bit. but in a different aspect. i think im now stronger in the spirit, in discerning and can speak words to encourage ppl. but somehow, not in the aspect of the Word. arr... pick myself up. i do not even noe how to express myself.
while, preparing for worship on Wednesday, i picked the song " For This Cause" - somehow the tag keeps coming bakc to me: "All I want is, all I want is You, Jesus"... and it really is a longing in my heart that all i want is Him! and the scripture came, "not that i have already attained, or am already perfected; but i press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold me"! i broke down in my heart. God is so sweet that He will keep drawing me close to Him... the goodness of God... i noe i have not apprehended Him and somehow even put Him aside for days when im busy... and somehow even when im not busy...
ok..looking back at my notes.. i noticed there are some songs that i've composed over the years... haha..i forgot abt them... 4 songs altogether... 2 in 2002 and another 2 just over these few mths... not very marvellous stuff... but i can see the difference in the song of the past and the song i just written this year.