I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
got myself into a bit of trouble... promise to help my fren with her essay... actuali only intend to see if i can help her in her language, but then, turn out to be she doesnt even have backgrd in marketing! and she is doing a MBA.. me? im only a BSc( someone still reading only somemore!) aiyo... nevertheless, i dun bear to see her in distress so i offered to help her with the essay. and it consists 60% of her results! im not saying im doing for her. im only filling in the gaps for her.. she has a plan but coz she doesnt have any backgrd in marketing, i have to help insert the theories in for her... and of coz, change her command of english too... bleh... suppose to be a whole 6000 words!! but thank God, she will be doing the more analytical stuff coz she IS the one doing the MBA, not ME!!! hence, i decided that she has to do those things herself. pls dun get it wrong ppl. i did told her that after this assignment, she has to brush up the theories herself liao. i cant help her anymore. well, she said im a God-send, and i believe that. she said after she prayed, she was reminded of asking someone to help her. and that someone happened to be my fren who asked me if i can help. and without reali noeing y or wat, i said OK. haha.. so when she said that i am God-send. well, i believe. so, to strengthen her faith, i decide to help her... but like i said, im a bit of trouble...hmm... to insert theories here and there need some skills coz after all marketing is quite a "common sense" subject. one subject can apply to many many theories. sigh.. reali need God's grace! im suppose to rtn the assignment to her TMR! ok..so if i can get the essay out, i think i can be MBA also... hahahaaa... which i am not reali interested in.. for wat?
i have been busy for the past few mths... work, mission trip, guitar club, ministry, etc... so busy that i dun hv enuf sleep almost everyday. not that i complained coz i got good sleep coz i will be so tired that i will just plonk within a few minutes. the only thing that wasnt good was that my quiet time with the Lord suffered coz of the tiredness. after being busy for these few mths, surprisingly, i manage to get SO MUCH rest on thursday! and even not very used to it. and it happened today again that there wasnt much thing for me to do again. i din go to class today and i just went to school for a while to settle something. well..and there wasnt much things for me to do coz they are all settled. the liasing with companies and proposals, they are all done. and most things have also been delegated to jon and eliz.. thanks to the both of them. i reali appreciate things done on their own initiative without me asking them to do. heh.. :D
anyway, wat was my point? i just reflected just now and realised coz i have been slogging for the last few months, my body cldnt get used to "nothing to do", and in my mind, i keep thinking that i have a lot of things to do, but with more reflections, i realised, hey, i got nothing much to do liao lei since most things are settled! hallelujah! praise the Lord! think now i can start doing my own stuff..like study! and clean up my room!! and of coz, spend more quality time with the Lord Himself! havent finish the Bible study i started this afternoon when eliz ask me if im going to sch...
well, now my worry now is also the guitar club. where can i find my successor..to pass this baton to. i nd someone with the same vision. and up till now i have found no one with this burden for the school. reali, it defeats the whole purpose of setting this club up if no one comes to the saving knowledge of God. it will only be nothing but bringing busyness to myself! oh Lord, what You have started, You will indeed bring it to completion!
i jus happened to ask myself this question. or rather i felt this question just pop up in my head - what do u wan to see at the end of this thing?? souls!! my answer is souls! i want souls!! and i want to see the glory of God in the campus!
reason being that i might be blogging my week's stuff..haha.. or i tend to be long winded. i am so used to go on to stream of consciousness state when i start writing (haha.. those who read lit will noe stream of consciousness is, but of coz, im not like sylvia plath who did it in a way that u nd much reading, im still readable..haah) anyway, was reading some blogs of my frens and decide to post one. u see sometimes frens do inspire u to write coz u have comments after u read theirs.
realise that most blogs, if not all, involves things abt themselves. well, that is of coz, coz is like a personal journal. but then the difference is..hm.. or rather u see the emphasis on the different thigns. soem ppl alwasy tok abt their problesm. so ppl only tok abt other ppl's problems(that is busybody) some ppl always tok abt their hurts and of coz, some just narrate wat has happened to them. ha.. me..i guess i just type watever comes to my mind. and i happened to type more and more without writing wat i realli wanted to when i turn on my blogger.
i tink i have past the problems abt emotions. not that i dun have, but somehow when u turn older, or rather the Lord's grace, those things about urself dun seemed to matter anymore. those mood swings, those feelings of rejections, those feelings abt i want to leave this world just simply left my head. ok.. i guess is not just mental maturity but rather spiritual maturity. things that i worried abt has become of other ppl rather than myself. though in an angle, it is still about myself, but the emphasis is not on me anymore. afterall like i said to jonathan this afternoon. Christianity is on people ministry. and why we care abt people and minister to people beause people is in the very heart of God. That is why Jesus came to die for us. He has compassion for the people and it is in His very heart. People misnistry is not ez. y? coz humans have free will, free choice. not like other things. and that is wat makes human special. God make humans with free will. they can choose. they do not just respond to stimuli. and humans are often not sensible though they think they are. heart fell for those who do not noe the Lord and are struggling with life. frankly speaking, if they noe the Lord, life will be so much so much better. how do i noe? coz i am a living testimony! ha...
one thing i learned. be thankful for everything! God is good, all the time! amen!
took this excerpt from a book..
He gave Rees a sudden shock one night by asking him if he was "born again". Rees had never heard the expression. He was " as ignorant as Nicodemus." But he knew he was wounded and raised his defenses:"what do you mean? My life is as good as yours." " That's not the point. Put it this way: do you know you are saved?"" I am a Christian, and that's good enough for me."
...
The light began to dawn as he was reading one of an outstanding book of that time, Professor Henry Drummond's Natural Law in the Spiritual World. Drummondwas telling how he had never thought it possible to give a definition of life, till he found one in the works of Herbert Spencer, who said that life is "corresondence with environment." A child is born with five sense and various bodily organs, and each corresponds with something in his environment: the eye sees sights, the ears hears sounds, the lungs breathe air, and so on. ' While I can correspond with my environment, I have life, " said Spencer, "but if something happened to me which prevented me from corresponding with my environment then i should be dead; death is failure of correspondence,"
Drummond took the definition back to Adam. The Lord has told him that the day he disobeyed, he would surely die. Did he die? On Spencer's definition he died spiritually, for though he continued to have a natural life, he lost his correspondence with God and could only come back to Him on way of sacrifice, the way of a victim killed in his stead.
On reading this, the first thought that came to Rees was, Has he correspondence with God? Could he say the Saviour was as real to him as his mother? Did he know God as a daily presence in his life, or did he only think of Him in prayer meetings? If he died, had he another environment with which to correspond? He was a part of his parents - distance didn't interfere with their fellowship, but he hadn't a relationship with God like that. Back came those words to him which his cousin had constantly been quoting:" Except a man be born again... he cannot enter into the Kingdom of God."
" I saw it!" said Rees. " I believed in the Savior, but one thing i knew, I wasn't born of Him. So far as having correspondence with the spiritual realm where the Saviour lived, I was a dead man, I was outside the kingdom, which all my good life and religion had never enabled me to enter, I was outside, though i was not a drunkard or a thief, beacuse I had no correspondence with God.
are u in the Kingdom of God? or are u still outside? mayb like Rees, u have only seen, but u have not enter... or have u even seen it?
Jesus answered and said to him, "Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born gain, he cannot see the kingdom of God." Jesus answered, " Most assuredly I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit." Jn 3:3,5
2.30am..once more i sleep late agn..i have been consecutively sleeping v late at nite or rather morning.. i ahve to say i am reali very very tired. no matter how long i sleep the next day (but never that long). i will still be v tired. bad.. i must get out of this cycle. frankly, i have felt v helpless especially ydae nite. when all things seemed to crush over u.. deadlines coming.. things overwhelming.. argh.. feel breathless.. and then! i realise wat i have been missing.. MY LORD!
i have been spending so little time with Him, miserably mayb 15min each time. coz every nite im too tired to meet with Him, without realising, if i spend half an hr with Him will be much refershing than i sleep for one more hour. is the truth, though it may sound strange. i have experienced that many times. btu somehow, when one is tired, the mind will always think in its natural way..i am tired, nd to wake up early tmr, better sleep. that is the ungenerated mind. teh natural mind... anyway, i suddenly feel so lost without Him, and i REALISE in my innermost that He is all i want, all i desire! i cant do anything without Him! the days when i rely on my own strenght... is reali a waste of my strength coz they avail to nothing. im going to exchange all my burdens with Him. and with Him, all my worries and responsibilties seemed to be so much lighter.. coz i noe it is not me who is in charge but Him. i am jus an unprofitable servant who waits at the Master's order. oh Lord, help me to depend so much on u. You are all i need!
near 3am, im stil awake. not that im not tired but just not willing to go to bed. siao. dunno wats wrong with me. i reali dun wan to wake up late tmr. im reali thinking of waking up at 7am everyday just like when i was in China. hm, y issit that i can sleep late but wake up early there, but not here? after some analysing.. (actuali no lah, just boh liao..) and also wat xiaoyun commented, i have the following reasons:
1. i was there with strangers sleeping with me as well. not v good and nice to see that i sleep till so late. so sub conscoiusly, my mind will wake up at the time that seemed appropriate.
2. i was there on a mission, so cldnt possibly sleep mah. back home, i can really take my own sweet time to do my things ( not reali lah, i also not enuf time here). but i mean, i can actuali, hopefully leave my things to the next day, next hour.. (but realising time is reali short!)
3. the sun rises at 6.30am every mrng and somehow the sun shines much brighter than my room. haha...
4. the floor and the hard bed was too uncomfortable that i will not want to linger a.k.a 赖床 much on them. unlike back home, im lying on my spring bed!
but then, i realised that though i sleep late there, ard 12.30am usuali, when i wake up at 7am the next mrng, i was much more fresher than when i sleep at 2am and woke up at 10.30am. so, the old adage or saying 早睡早起身体好 is correct one. but then, sleep too much a bit waste time. when i wake up at 11pm, almost half of my day is gone. then plus i have to eat lunch and laze ard coz usuali after eating lunch, u will feel lethargy(however,sometimes i will try to not eat my lunch so early as to prevent that lethary). hence, my effective wkg time is only 4pm to ard 6pm (though i will try to wk at 2pm too) when usuali ard 6.20pm i will leave for church mtgs. so, hmm..seemed that i only wk 2h proper everyday. dun sound good. ok lah..haha... in fact i dun reali hv that much luxury i claimed i have. most of the time will squeeze all my time togther. since i noe i will only wake up at 11pm most of the time, i will try to utiltise my night time longer like wkg till 3 or 4am. so i will gain 2 more wkg hrs. everything is quieter too.
anyway, i dunno y im rambling here coz my initial intention is to only update on my supper just now. ha... must be tired...
i was feeling hungry just now as most ppl are usually as wee hours. so i decided to eat my cuttlefish that i bought frm China. nobody in my hse like lei, so i have to finish all myself. so i din even look at the plastic bag and i just put my hands into the plastic bags and i started eating. as i ate, i felt a bit itchy, and so to my horror, when i looked down at the plastic bag, i saw many many small red ants on the plastic bag! hich also mean that i am eating an ant-infested cuttlefish. wonder if i have eaten as of them unknowlingly. but i din stop, i just continue to eat...haha.. ants shld be alrite. though i noe some of my frens wil be disgusted at me. well, i just look more carefully that i wun be eating the ants andi finish the cuttleshi! well, and those small red ants are still crawling on my table. many many of them... haha... so i just dunno y want to post my incident up. heheeh...mayb too tired liao... ok, i better turn in...tired...
i dunno wat to title this entry. maybe dun nd lah. just some thoughts. was a bit sad that i lost an able co-labourer in Christ. well, though unwilling but i reali respect and accept her decision. after all, i felt that God is reali in control of all. hope that this year there will be a breakthru in the GC. :) key is in ABIDING!
i think God is reali good to me as i think and think. though i failed my maths by 1 mark, i am reali overall v happy abt my result. though i said i at least reaped wat i sowed, hmm..but i din reali put in that much sowing. i can only thank God for the intellect that He put in me. well, i said that in humility, not praising myself coz i recognise that it is from Him. i cn say i reaped wat i sowed is that the lowest scores are those that i din reali study, but the higher scores are those that i studied. but then, i din reali study much. mayb only like a few days or one wk lah? comparing to my frens who are more hardwkg and have started a few mths b4, i reali fall short of them. thats y i have to say God is good to me. though i was busy, He showed grace and came true for me. " Seek Him first and His kingdom and all these things shall be added unto you." Matt 6:33 I had a taste of that.
back from my mission trip since sunday. somehow today i felt a miss in my life over there. i reali missed being in the fields. i reali felt i wld like to go agn. i told the Lord that if HE permits, i reali reali would like to go agn. though the lives there arent easy and uncomfortable, but i reali enjoy myself over there. or maybe somehow, it might be just a place i thot i could hide.. haha..running away from the reality. anyway, being in the fields just for 2 weeks or so, i reali had an understdaning and a feel of the verse that the harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few. there are so many people who have yet heard of Jesus and the gospel. and the fact that if we are to share one by one. when issit going to take? the thought of this makes my heart heavy and burdened.
jus back from the trip, im still almost in church everyday. well, im 24/7 there... haha.. but then.. i am still a 24/7 here.. a 24/7 Christian! somehow i missed the life there. with a purpose of noeing y i am there for. here.. im not sure.. i sure have somethin to do, but every step is a mystery. every step by faith..wondering im walking the right way or not. i guess is whr i learn to discern and have my sense sharpened.
yesterday, were discussing the details abt the guitar club in school. reali, the ideas that were brought out were good. Good ideas nevertheless. but somehow, made me wonder if they are God-ideas. mayb i think too much liao. sigh... but still, i enjoy being a follower than a leader. guess coz when u r leader, u r suppose to be the navigator and the person who will noe the way. mayb im just unwiling to get out of my comfort zone. BUT well, i have to say i reali duno... and i am not a good navigator..haha...direction blind. but i as long as i am not spirtiualli blind is ok liao! and Jesus is the chief Navigator. the burden for this club is reali that the vision will not be lost even as all of us were so busy in handling the admin stuff in the club. and i realised the ideas that we discussed ydae has not even been lift up to the Lord at all. i can only come humbly before Him and ask for His forgiveness and lift up all of the plans to Him. do i sound a bit lost.. i suppose so. but reali if i hold on tightly to His hand. i mean tightly. i will never be lost. He will guide me with His eyes. that is if i look at Him. :D 差遣我