I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
feeling very 悶。reason being i got reprimanded by my boss which i think she's just being unreasonable. not thinking if she is in my shoe. anyway.. it has been lidat... as usual, my mgr tries to help and settle most of the things. mayb i just duno her enuf to work with her.
u have worked with me for so long, by now u shld know wat i want...
God and the Bible is relevant in today's time. Jesus spoke in a relevant way in His time. Relevant to the people in His time - agriculture to depict His points. It is alive and living and welcoming to the ppl. Take the gist and principles of the Word, not just wholesale.
undated. was written during the time my parents had a big trouble in their marriage. well, still is. but i chose not to think about it. i guess this still did not waver my belief in marriage even though unhappy things happened in my family before.
wat is love? wat is marriage? wat is call happily ever after? is there even such a thing? or there was was such a thing but just did not exist in my own world. Why am i here musing over such things? where is my The One? i duno where he is going to appear, and im not even sure if i can handle it. but of cos, i still believe there is an ideal marriage. it has to do with two's managing. not a magic tale, but two's managing. giving and taking. giving each other preference. im tired.
undated. but was written on Elizabeth's car while on the way to Beatrice's wedding. we were terribly late i remembered and that was how i started writing on my handphone..haha.. maybe a way to vent my frustration... i think is just a bunch of nonsense...watever i was writing...
decide to divide into different parts cos i believe it was after some time between the last entry and this coming one cos of the difference in content nature. but all of them are undated.
Intercession begins with knowing the will of God and praying it. Daniel.
post note: think this one is during one of the 24h prayer mtg we have and this thought of what is intercession came to me.
Warfare. Things to improve on. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Not own strength or own ability. The Lord will honour. Isnt the Lord's presence wat we want?
post note: i think situation same as above. during or after a prayer mtg.
Wilderness spirit. Mindset to be changed.
Guarding our time. Ploy of the enemy to tire us out. Lost discernment. Left off guard. The accuser of the brethren.
post note: think i was in a time of warfare...since all of the above were lidat.
well, i realised my most helpful gadget i have now is my handphone cos i will be able to write and note down watever i wan to rem or some insights on it. i was going thru them just now and i thought maybe i shld also write down on this blog too cos i might sell/ change my handphone one day. on another note, i have also transferred my 2 other entries from my other blog. but they are under "drafts" meaning they r not to be posted for public's eyes...haha.. maybe one day i will unveil them. meanwhile... hmm... anyway, here are the thoughts that i have..some dated, some undated...
on my birthday last year - 2nd july 08
The Lord was saying that i have clothe myself with something else to protect myself and hide myself in it. i will not allow myself to be hurt ot let anyone into my heart. Thus, i have not entirely let Him into my heart either. The fear of sin, the fear of rejection. From God, from men.
post note: i dun reali understd the last part...haha... wat was i trying to say? mayb sometimes i purposely wrote that so that i wun rem in the future?
on 4th july 2007 at 9.23am
Putting on Christ, not just taking off mortality but further clothe so that mortality will be swallowed up by life. 2 Cor 5:4 - therefore study abt putting on Christ.
The Lord dares to do things that nobody dares to do in His time cos He hears His father and He noes that He is the Son of God. Likewise, we must know that we are the sons and daughters of God to do things that God ask us to do without fear. Though we may not fully understd wat the father wants sometimes or most of the time, we merely carry out instructions cos thats wat we heard. and noeing that He cares, have no fear. No orphan spirit in us cos He has not left us alone but gives us the Hoy Spirit as a guarantee - that He is our Father! post note: this thought actually came to me when i think of Sarah Yang who when she prayed, says, "Dad..". well, i thought thats pretty rude or informal to call God lidat but then something in me rang, i knew it was a religious spirit saying that. and i thought well, in Jesus' time, nobody dares to call God "Father" cos is rude. the pharisees were offended cos they think who is Jesus to call God His Father? who do He think He is? well, thats a religious spirit... and then the other thought that Jesus dares to do things ppl at His time dun cos He noes who He is - His identity and He noes who His Father is.
not dated but apparently on a bus back home. remember i was in a period of down. i always write this kind of things when im down. it was supposed to be a song but it turned out likewise i think.
Sitting on the bus, looking out of the window, Thinking of wat u said to me, wondered if i really heard or understood Wondered where I have been all these while. Issit me or issit You? Am I walking forward on my journey or am i recounting back on my steps? Have I pleased You so far to do all Your delights that I want to all my life? Pouring out my life Oh, but my spirit's willing, flesh is weak They all say when there's a will, there;s a way But You said, " Is not He who runs, not he who wills it You who shows mercy" Yes. That's grace That's mercy That I thought I have tasted. has it been there? I know You are the one who can make it possible with my 5 loaves and 2 fishes something all i can give but You dun seemed to mind at all You said to me Give me all u have Give me all u hold on so dear I will bring u to place further than u think u can I will do for u wat u never thought possible with that little faith i have, i treaded on with all the strength i left, i move on Knowing this time, It is me on my own strength nor only me walking on my own But You with me.
another undated one. but i think similar almost the same period of down-ness and same week when i wrote this.
In the middle of the nite A tinge of sadness came over me I turned on my lappie and wondered y i have turned to the computer for solace instead of You. Oh why?
undated. a pondering of Diligence vs rest of God
wat is that rest of God? wat is not using our own strength? Denying ourselves, pick up the cross and follow HIm Unless a wheat falls to the ground and die, it remains alone...
undated.
Mary vs Martha mentality Worship Him. Know His ways, His face, not just His hands Lord, teach me of You. Not just ask wat You want me to do, But Lord I want to know You
wow... realised that it was rather long since i last wrote here. said i wld update on my days in japan but well, time just past by... and i was in cochin, india 2 wks after i came back from japan. we held a crusade there and wow, it was an amazing trip! truly an eye opener and i really admire wat Pst Bonnke is doing in the world. such a great man of God with such vision :) i'm really honoured to work under such a man's ministry.
but of cos, i have my own purpose in my life too. the purpose that God has given me. im still not that sure wat is that exactly though i do have some idea and a general direction to work towards. i guess this is wat makes my life less mundane and mediocre from many ppl around me, who either work for money or just work cos is a phase of their life - everybody is suppose to just work till they got married or enter another phase rite? no??! i truly dun agree.. cos being lidat is just waiting for another day to go thru until the day die. we ought not to live lidat, especially for someone who has Jesus in their lives. we are all born for a purpose. non-believers may not noe that, but we believers should. we shld all ask the Lord for the purpose He has for us, if not, in my opinion, we all live in vain!
sounds harsh or serious? i do think this is a serious matter. life is more than just getting a good job, buying a nice car, living in nice apartment and going for vacation when we ahve the spare cash, get married, have kids, retire, hv grandchildren... well, these are parts and parcels of life we all have, but there ought to be something more! - a purpose in life :)
im moving forward and moving onward with expectancy, looking unto the Jesus Christ for wat He has in store for me. though it is nt reali a v clear vision yet but im sure as days went by, things will be clearer and clearer. :)
just a side thought. just now as i was going for lunch, there was this girl who wasnt looking quite right. and after she talked to me, i realised im rite - she is a little not rite in her mind. i didnt noe wat to do. thoughts were racing in my mind of wat to do : shld i pray for her? shld i cast the devil out of her? shld i leave her alone? but if leave her alone, issit right to do so? shld i ask for help? wah..i realised i was really feeling helpless. i thought, wat wld Jesus do? what wld He wan me to do? but anyway, in the end, i chose the easy way out. i went to the church office and find someone for help, and they took over. well, actuali, u might say that that is the right way cos that is their expertise, in a sense. but to me, it is more of like, im sure any Christian can do it cos Jesus is in me. it does take experience. but i believe wisdom doe make a part too. i was a little disappointed in myself. wat is that "loving the unlovely" and "going to the poorest of the poor"? where is that unconditional love that shld be in all of us? i believe Heidi Baker wld have handled in another way....
i will still update the days i was in japan and in cochin, india... to update myself in the future too. :)