I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
well, after that 'thoughtful' entry, i decided to write abt another. hmm.. and actuali, i have initially wanted to tok abt this rather than that previous one... wat is that i wanna tok abt?
Genes and your offspring.
haha.. interesting topic isnt it? hm.. i was thinking abt it on the way home..well, nt exactly thinking abt genes exactly but then, i just remembered a few conversations with some of my frens a few weeks or month ago on difft occasions...
on a birthday party of a child turning 1...
me: wah..she's really a very friendly baby, smile and wave to everyone, even strangers. so cute... fren: yalor.. heehee..
after a while, there was another kid on the scene, also turning 1 soon... standing face to face with that friendly one... we cldnt help but to compare...
me: the 2 of them v difft ah... one so active, cldnt stop jumping. the other one so quiet... fren: ya. think they took after their parents ah... coz both of the parents of are very friendly while the other one, one of the parent is the more quiet type. me: agree fren: hm.. then next time i better go look for a more people person husband... haha... then my kid wun be so shy...
last week with my elder sis....
elder sis: ur boss' features quite sharp hor? me: yep. she's quite pretty in a difft way... actuali her daughter also quite pretty, think she took the correct genes of correct parent.. haha... elder sis: huh? wat do u mean? me: hm... coz the daughter took on her dad's features... and i dun mean my boss nt pretty lah, but i thot having her dad's features might be nicer...haha.. and she got her mum's fair skin, thank God she din get the dad's dark skin. and can see she got her mum's nice long straight hair and tall and lean figure too... elder sis: orh... hmm... think next time i better go find a husband with bigger eyes, my eyes so small, wait my children's eyes also very small of my husband's are small as well... me: haha.. true true...
well, quite a few in between these 2 converstaions too. but then, i cldnt recall. but somehow, i just thot at the time.. hmm.. isnt that something like looking for "good genes" instead of the partner itself? haha... but i guess the difference lies in, we are nt reali consciously and conscientiously looking for the so-call "good genes" as some people in the politics might be... well, i somehow forgot abt all these until today while travelling home on the mrt, i saw a family of 6. a malay family. 3 daughters and a son and the parents. and i noticed all of the children look alike. of coz rite? since they are of the same parents? ok lah, may not be coz sometimes one may look a lot like the father, while the other may look like the mum... or even a mix of both... well, for all of the kids, they look like both the mum and dad, so i guess, they are a good mix of both of them. hm, so somehow, this came to my attention of the so-call genes thingy agn... and i just had a sudden thot, so... wat kind of looks shld my future half looks like?? shld i reali conscientiously look for someone that will make up for the lack that i have? no lah.. i guess is more of let nature takes it course kinda thing... anyway, just again have this random thot abt adam and eve when the bible says that adam found a helper comparable to him... so wat issit abt being "comparable"? well, i believe that "comparable" means more than just that eve is a human like adam... then, wat issit? think i gotta go check out abt this... :)
today i went to volunteer... distributing bread to the old folks at some hdb flats. it was organised by a non profit organisation which was a ministry of fairfield methodist church. quite an interesting experience and i was amazed at hanwen when he shared the gospel to 2 old ladies. though they said the salvation prayer at the end of it but both of them were very open and were considering abt it. wat he said made a lot of sense to me and also certain declaration he said of God. He said when u believe in God, u will have joy, peace and got no problems. u can cast the devils... all ur illness will leave u, etc and of coz u will go to heaven. when he said all these, i of coz will agree in my head, but i think other than i have enuf faith to say "u will go to heaven", the rest i do not dare to say at all, if that was me..i think. i was thinking abt them when he said that, i was thinking to myself, wat issit that made me dare nt to say that after believing in Christ, u will be free of trouble, u will peace and joy. all illnesses will leave u, and u can cast off devils? issit that i have nt enuf faith? or issit the fear that i am nt preaching the complete gospel if i preached that? or even the fear of painting such a rosy picture of the Christianity faith? coz the Christian life is definitely "no problems" but just that when theres problems, He will be with me. i will indeed have joy and peace in me when i faced those problems, but can i say in such confidence that i ALWAYS have that peace and joy in me when im in trouble? and i definitely do nt dare to say that illnesses will leave u, and u will recover when u ask God to heal u coz i reali do nt have faith in that aspect. many times i wondered. many times i pondered. i have heard many testimonies. i have read in the bible. but i just cldnt help but wonder y i have nt seen it before in my own life? i believe that God can heal. but He can choose not to. im always afraid for the fact that if one day, i told someone that God can heal and he is nt heal, hw will it be? will that person be bitter? will that person turn and point a finger at me and said that "it is all a lie?" i have no idea why i would think of all these? mayb is coz of the difft msgs that i have heard over the years, the teachings i have heard over the years that there are always trials and tribulations in the world... but of coz, Jesus said that we are to be of good cheer coz He has overcome the world... again, in the head, but nt in my heart.. to me, Christian life is definitely never a bed of roses, coz even if it is, there are always the thorns. so wat exactly is my problem? mayb i have been seeing God as too small a God. and i have always been like Joshua whos afraid... and thats y God has to say to him... do not be afraid, do nt be dismayed.. but be of good courage...
on monday, i had reunion dinner with my family! so early? yep. coz my elder sis and i realised that this chinese new year period most of my family members, except my sis and i, are flying to different parts of the world. 2 to aussie, 2 to msia and 1 to japan! haha... anyway, we went to this hotpot restaurant opened by terence cao, a local actor, at paradiz centre. had wanted to go to a better chinese restaurant coz is reunion dinner mah..but i guess, being the nice mum who doted on her daughters, she said she wants to try this instead coz chinese new year period go orchard for dinner will be v ex. yep, my sis n i were treating! ok, so since she insisted, we went there instead...
my 1st impression of the restaurant was only so-so. coz the decor wasnt v nice. it was ok. hm.. but guess wat, we saw the boss who is the actor there! and so my parents were quite excited..haha.. and when he came to take our orders personally and recommended the dishes, all my mum said was "ok"..haha.. i think she was star-struck..keke.. and anywayi think this guy is quite charismatic and quite good looking too..haha..especially with his deep dimples.. and i think all guys with deep dimples are rather charismatic and reali can "dian ren"...haha.. like the project superstar champ, daren. but of coz, this terence is much more good looking than that daren. anyway, some of the food was interesting too... coz is the hotpot is rather different frm others i have tried before. it originated from hongkong, so the style was rather special. too bad i din take any photos... and there are mini- "cha shao bao" and "ha gao" that was suppose to be part of the steamboat... not bad lah... all in all, i gave it mayb a 3 out of 5? ha...
anyway, the best part i like abt this hotpot is not the food but rather the interaction with my family which i think is rather personal... u see, the usual dinner we have when we are in chinese restaurants, we usually only ended up busy eating, or i will tok to my sis, not my parents most of the time. but somehow coz of this hotpot thingy, we got to tok as we waited for the food to be cooked. and i also did something which i never did for my parents ydae. wat did i do? well, i only picked some food for them onto their plates. and i did that for almost the whole night! hm.. i was quite surprise with myself coz when it comes to hotpot, usuali i will be the one eating while ppl will keep picking food for me coz i think is better to pick food for urself when eating lah... anyway, i thought this gesture warmed my parents' hearts which i was glad coz for quite some time, my relationship with my parents did not seem good, especially with my dad. he sort of stopped toking to me after i toked back to him one night. but guess wat, he just toked to me yesterday nite when i reached home! im so glad that happened! haha... and im gg to pray for them, for them to come to the saving knowledge of Christ. That day while driving to the hotpot place, i just suddenly had such a burden for my parents when i heard my dad toking abt the idolsand some deaths that happened. i felt such sadness flowed into me. and fear somehow gripped my heart as well. thoughts came to me. what if? what if my parents reali passed away without knowing the Lord?! how? i began praying in the car... i noe. i need to pray for them. when wenhui was toking abt raising the prayer altar in our lives and have we raised the prayer altar in our family during T&E, i knew i just have to do that.
hm.. im thinking of blogging today... and wat shld i blog on? btw, the blogger took so long to log me in, many times whenever i think of things to blog, i forgot while waiting for it to log me in...haha...
dreams. yes. let me tok to u abt dreams. again? no lah..this time is abt literal dreams. dreams that u and me have everyday... or mayb u dream but dun rem..haha...like me most of the time...
anyway, wat i wanna say is that, about 2 or 3 days ago, i dreamed a dream... i dreamt that i was driving a car and i had to go to this place..err..that im nt v sure of... but anyway, i went on to the expressway and i kept driving... and then, i realised i lost my way... so i got out of the car, and i saw that i was at a place that looked like a bus interchange coz it had a lot of buses... so, i walked around and see if i could find the way out, or mayb find the place that i was looking for. and i rem i walked down a staircase and i saw people that looked strange.. black people, people that dun look local.. and as i looked at them, they looked back at me... it was then i so realised im definitely at the wrong place! oh my, did i get out of spore?? hw cld it be since i was only travelling on the expressway? i thought to myself. then i quickly went back to my car and i looked at the street directory and to my horrors! i saw that i was reali out of spore! i was at this place that was alienated from the main island. i rem it was a very deserted circle on its own on the street directory! i forgot wat happened next..but i think i was trying to get a bus to get out of that scary unknown place...
wat is the point of this entry? well, 1stly, i just want to say that though it sounds strange or even funny, it is v scary to me.. i kept wondering if it is a warning from God to me. i rem in the dream that when i was in the car driving, i was thinking to myself if i shld take a look at the street directory since i was nt sure of the route and i always get lost (and so am i in reality), but i told myself, nvm lah... just c how it goes and find solution when im lost lor (and i am also lidat in reality)...
the reason why i would think that if the dream is a warning from God is that it has been quite a number of times that i dreamt that i was driving a car... and all those times, the outcome of the dreams were negative. and those who interpret dreams will know that a vehicle represents ministry. . many times in the dreams, the car crashed; it went out of control or i lost my way. so, as the dreams kept coming over the past 1 or 2 years, i reali started to question if they are warnings frm God to me. i am wondering if they are warnings to me that the ministry that i am in or im going to be in, are going to have those outcome. coz many times in the dreams, the negative outcomes were mainly due to my negligence, impluse and non-chalant attitude... y wld i suddenly dwell on the dreams? im not sure. actuali, these dreams, though i remembered them, i would just cast them aside most of the time, mayb to the back of my mind. but somehow, after this last dream, i reali dun wan to cast them aside anymore. i thot mayb i shld reali give a serious thought about them. knowing my chtr, after blogging here, i may jolly well think that i have did something about it...hurhur, but... i think i realli shld share this with some ppl and hear wat they have to say... and at the same time, ask God if they are realli from Him... coz it will be reali scary if the dreams do come to pass...
oh God, tell me wat to do...
p.s. im quite sianz of the look of this blog liao... think i will change a blog skin soon... hm.. and that is if im not lazy to... haha