I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
a few days ago, while i was sitting down doing nothing, a verse came to me, "how beautiful are the feet..".. and then it got me to recall a scene frm a korean drama i was watching, "the vineyard man" the other time. inside this show, there was this scene that the male lead asked the female lead, if he had ever seen the feet of the korean footballer, Park Ji Sung? he said that the photos of his feet will bring tears to anyone's eye... they are full of scars and bruises, yet they are the most beautiful feet.. they are the feet that only those who worked hard can have.
and these 2 things linked together.. i have never really understood wat issit about "how beautiful are the feet that bring glad tidings" except maybe in biblical terms.. it is the gospel of peace.. but now, as i think about those missionaries and those ppl who have travelled far into those unreached plces bringing the gospels, those feet who have travelled.. those feet that are aching... just to bring the gospels to those places.. indeed they have the most beautiful feet... the feet that have worked hard... it doesnt seem much but it is a revelation to me.. ha..
one more nice phrase i got from the show. this female lead said," A is someone who will buy me an umbrella when it rains, B is someone who will walk with me in the rain. I used to like someone who will buy me an umbrella, but now i think i like someone who will walk with me in the rain." ... wow..so romantic.. keke...
hm..just upgraded my blogger to the new beta version.. nto sure if i have made the right choice..coz i reali dun hv the patience to wait.. and this version seemed to be a bit slower..
anyhow, i just came on here to speak of the Lord's goodness and love. is not much of an experience, but is wat nat shared in cell ydae... im not sure y, but it reali spoke to me. it got me to think and reflect back wat i have been doing for the past 1 year. i have been feeling dry eversince the cell mulitplied.. and i got drier after my mission trip. and i was recalling and recounting and trying to retracing anything i have done wrongly and watever... i repented of watever i cld think of, watever i cld rem... but nothing seemed to work and everything seemed like a flop..haha.. and all these times i have never reali toked to someone abt it simply coz i hv no idea wats gg on.. and of coz, im nt someone who expressed myself well.. so i keep saying im ok, when somehow, i noe im not.. and hope things will turn out better the next day everyday..haha... things got worst as i got on more reponsiblities in the cell after multiplication.. things dun work out as i thought, everything hit a low... i was discouraged, dejected and struggling... duno who to turn to... and i felt God wasnt even there though i noe fully well, theologically, He is there.. anyway, thoughts of leaving church and God came and went... thoughts of isolating myself came and went.. thoughts of leaving ministry came and went... haha.. but i noe fully well that i will hv to stuck on.. onto the grace of God.. coz He is the Only One who can keeps me from falling and stumbling... so i clung on with watever strength i left... and i stayed at where i am... coz knowing fully well He is the only One i ever hope for...
during this period, i learnt a lot..i find God digging up the bones in my grave.. showing me the things i hv buried and hv refused to acknowledge, as well as showing me things that i never know was there.. never noe was in me... my heart was hard for a while during this period.. but it never stays hard long enuf..haha... coz God has been preserving me... hvg a soft heart is really impt in these times.. plus, there are still leaders and friends in front of me who never allow me to stay where i am.. im grateful to all of u, if u are reading my blog..haha.. but i guess not many of them noes... anyway, i started to see the complete nothingness in front of Him, without Him im nothing, without Him, i can do nothing. everything in my life seemed to a farce..haha.. that was how serious it was.. afterall, the Bible did say all things is created for Him and all things moved coz of Him... i was humbled, challenged, but i see the mercy of God, the faithfulness of God and His goodness in all these.
abt 1 or 2 months ago i felt a change in my spirit.. i was thinking cld it be the Lord moving in the season of my life aredi? i reali want to move on.. sure enuf, a few days later, i heard the Holy Spirit saying to me, " You have stay in this wilderness long enuf. Is time for u to move on." i was thrilled. i was excited. at the same time, i was touched. indeed, if the Lord does not allow us to move on, we cant move on... but from that time onwards, still much things have not changed but i believed that my new season is starting and now is my turn to move on... but sadly to say, i hv still stayed more or less the same without putting in effort to move on when the Lord has beckoned me to move on.. i noe i must, i have stayed passive for too long, it became a habit and i have to overcome it...
anyway, wow..this is gg to be a super long post.. back to wat i was saying, nat shared on a msg to encourage us to move on to maturity. and he did it by just pointing back to the basic: the things we are committed in church, the ministry, the duties, who are we doing it for? issit for the people or for ourselves.. or issit for God? just this basic .. who are we doing for? i spoke to me... am i doing for God, i was thinking to myself.. and somehow, it touched my heart... just the thought of doing for God and not men and nt to my leaders liberates me.. i rejoiced.. coz i noe even if i fumble, God will still be pleased with me... coz i tried..and i have tried my best. and i noe God is moving me on a new track and i wan to catch up with Him. i pray that He indeed will extend His grace to me for His mercies are new every morning. :)