unappreciated

just felt to blog this one more thing. ydae i was in a v v bad mood. i guess is coz i was feeling unreciprocated and unappreciated. it happened coz of my student. i just took up a tuition assignment somewhr last month. he was a sec 2 boy. the 1st lesson was quite good but as it continued, the lessons were a bit getting nowhere. his attitude wasnt good. then he din do his homework i gave him. he said he din noe how to do. fine. so i went thru those questions with him agn. then he said he recalled how to do aredi. so, i left him to finish that maths assignment and went on with english. the next time i came back, he again din finish the homework i gave him. this time anything that i asked him to do, he din finish. so i was a bit angry and i asked him the reason. he said he din noe how to do. again?? ok, recalling back how i also din do the homework my tutor gave me last time, i jus asked him to do his homework on the spot and also went thru those questions which he-din-do-and-later-claimed-to-recall-and-now-forget-agn. btw, he failed his test quite miserably.. i mean realli miserably. i was surprised coz those questions were those that i went thru with him and he could do them. so i asked him the reason, he merely said during tuition he remembered but in school he forgot everything. sighz.. fine. but i was worried for him.

anyway, after saying so much, i still have not got on to the point why i was feeling unappreciated. when i reached his place on thur, ( i was bz.. i actuali find the time to go down to his house for tuition), it was then that i knew he got back his old tutor, that is my fren who cldnt make it, that was why i took over. ok. my fren wasnt around. is just that he was coming later that evening. her mum had remembered the wrong day of my coming. she thot i was coming on fri. fine. i dun mind her getting back my fren, i mind when they din tell me and i mind when my student gave me the disappointed look that it was me and not my fren. i mind that i had to find out abt this matter accidentally. ok. i may not be the best tutor around but i wld appreciate that u respected me coz i put in my best to help him! anyway, so i casually asked his mum if she's getting back my fren and if anything was wrong. her mum red in the face, obviously embarassed, said that her boy told her he din understand the maths i taught him and his boy likes my fren's way of teaching better. ok. fine. so i was asked to teach english instead. i said fine too. after all, he is going to have his english paper 1 on friday, that is today.

anyway, i proceeded with the lesson, and i asked him since he din understand when i taught him, why didnt he tell me coz everytime i finished, i will asked him if he understood, if not, i will explain agn. the response that i got will either be a blank face or he will keep laughing and laughing. and when i asked him if he understood agn, he would nod his head. he replied that he din understd my teachings and said that weilun is better(my fren). i said ok. but then he said," but u teach english better." fine. i went ahead with the english. again, he din do the homework that i have asked him to complete. and that 1.5h was the worst i can ever get. watever that i went thru with him, he just keep laughing non-stop! he was getting on my nerves. no matter wat i asked him, he will just keep laughing. even when i asked him y he kept laughing, he will just continue laughing and sometimes with a silly grin and "duno" in between. by then, frustrated was an understatement. he was testing my patience. anyway, coz that day i had something on, i told him i will be going off earlier by 15min. before i left, i asked him if he wanted me to come back for the next tuition. his answer was he duno. i was turned off and honestly, hurt by that answer. so, i just told him. "ok, just asked ur mum to call me if u still want me to be back" was my answer.

just like that. my mood was off. my night was bad. argh. and it din help that i was driving and the traffic sucked. i have to honestly said i felt violated. ha. sounds like a strong word, but not that kind, i wld rather mean i felt the norm of reciprocity not met. and i suddenly realised this may help in my psychology and HRM essay. not all ppl will reciprocate the effort that u put in. or may not even see the effort that u put in. yes. im easily hurt. i have to admit that my self-esteem was hurt even. ha. y? coz i was also thinking, could it be that im really a lousy tutor that i cldnt even teach a Normal Tech guy?? all sorts of possiblity y he cldnt understd me went thru my mind. i have to admit that my academic was kinda half-past six sometimes. i hate to admit that but...

his mum hasnt called me yet. but seriously, i am thinking of not going back even if his mum wans me to though i would reali like that income. and also i was oding my fren a favour. that boy was my fren's cousin. y? coz wats the point of going back if im nt appreciated and her boy doesnt like me anyway?

我受伤了。

anyway, before this, i had decided to change the tuition to once a week instead of 2 after his mid-yr exams coz of my time constraint. now, i think thats good thing also. i will have one more free day for myself. ha. but a couple of hundreds poorer...